My Two Cents

I’ve very much enjoyed Clementine Ford’s blog on the hypocrisy of “The Nice Guys” of dating websites and previous Jezabel posts on the same subject.

I’ve encountered so many, many nice guys in my lifetime and was surprised and relieved to know that they had a label in the online sphere.

I mean so many times as a woman you are told that if a man treats you right, then you should keep him close. Turns out that men where told the same thing – well you know, that if you treat a woman right she’ll snap you up.

I’ve not personally encountered these men in my own relationships – thank you Spaghetti Monster! However, I have had male friends who definitely fall under this category. They didn’t so much believe that because they where nice they deserved a relationship, but that you have to be an asshole if you want one.

This stereotype has been reinforced time and time and time and time again by the media. “Women always fall for the bad guy!” “Be a jack ass or you’ll get friend zoned!"

I know this has already been said in lots of ways, but I wanted to make a couple of points from my point of view all the same. Take them how you will.

Nice Guy Stereotype Mentality No.1:

“Women only fall for jack asses.”

The problem with that mentality lies in the sentence itself. Women don’t work as a collective. We aren’t a fucking ant farm or one of those jellyfishes that’s made of tiny jellyfish. This is why stereotypes have the power to be so destructive. They give us a license to see one human being with individual thoughts and feelings as a part of a collective that they haven’t signed up for.

Women do fall for jackasses. And they also don’t. Plus, we all have a little bit of jack ass (not the movie, which was just shit by the way). Men ALSO fall for jack asses. Seeing where I’m going with this now? We’re all different.

Nice Guy Stereotype Mentality No 2:

“I’m nice, so why don’t I have a girlfriend?”

Again: Problem. Lies. Sentence. The answer to that question lies with the assumption that being nice gets you a girlfriend. If you have a vagina and live in the western world, you are probably used to the basic common courtesy that human beings extend to each other under the characteristic of “being nice.” Thus, you are no one’s knight in shining armour.

That mentality insinuates that you think women are so used to being treated like shit that their knees are going to give way when someone asks them how their day is, which in itself is really fucking sexist. Understanding? This in turn makes you seem like a jackass! Congratulations, you’re a bit of a dick. Oh, but wait! Now you’re going to get ALL the chicks, right?

I think the real issue that lies behind the nice guy problem is that women do sometimes fall for jerks, but it’s usually because they’re not looking to be treated like human beings (low self-esteem and all that). In turn, this means that men who love to wack labels on women see an opportunity and hide behind it.

You can’t label women just because you’re scared of genuinely getting your feelings hurt or don’t know how to handle it when you do. Just like women can’t label men for the same reason (see previous post).

We’re all scared and insecure. Deal with it.