Gina Rinehart and a Maccas Conversation

Back when I was living in Glebe, I was dawdling around the Central Maccas, as I often found myself doing back then (don’t worry this isn’t going to turn into a low-rent version of a Grace Collier blog – Grace Collier – the student years – only the finest goon sacks, and hanging with Gina Rinehart back before she ate souls for breakfast). I overheard a conversation between two men about my age (mid-20’s). The conversation followed as thus (not completely exact, but you’ll get the drift): 

Dude 1: “I’m feeling better now. I was really struggling with anxiety for awhile there, though.” 

Dude 2: “I’m just really glad you told me about it, man. Are you getting help now?”

Dude 1: “Yeah, I’m still struggling with feeling low and things like that, but it’s been getting better. The counselor actually really helped.” 

Dude 2: “We all struggle with something like that at some point man. Just let me know if you want help and we’ll talk, hay.” 

Now I’m not saying that this was T.S. Elliot grade stuff here, but the reason the conversation caught my attention was this simple fact: THEY’RE MEN AND THEY’RE TALKING ABOUT THEIR FEELINGS. ARE YOU GETTING THIS? THERE WASN’T EVEN ANY CHICKS THERE! NONE! JUST TWO GUYS TALKING ABOUT FEELINGS! 

I know in this day and age something like that shouldn’t really be impressive, but if we all lived in a world where shoulds were reality, you wouldn’t even know who Gina Rinehart is and Kevin Rudd would be a Muppets character. Beyond Blue recently released a statement saying that the majority of suicides are amongst young men. 

Now, look, it doesn’t take Freud to determine the difference between young men and young women in these circumstances. A conversation like the one above left me with my jaw-dropped. Why? I myself have had many of those conversations before with my female friends, because it is socially acceptable for me to have those conversations – cause of my vagina – YES I SAID MY VAGINA. I’d like to just pause here for a second to address the fact that I’d very much like to make it clear as a staunch Feminist (#asafeminist and such) that the very fact it’s easier for women to talk about their feelings or to be emotionally vulnerable is also one of the major reasons men have made it easier to de-value women in the workplace. But lets put that argument to a side for a second and lets address the pure realities we are facing when it comes to depression.

If I wanted to talk to one of my female friends about depression over coffee, I can. I mean obviously there are always the awkward silences when you tell a friend for the first time that you’ve considered suicide, or are feeling suicidal, but that’s just a normal human reaction to something very, very serious. Simply as a woman, though, I’ve never really had much trouble broaching topics like that. After all, I come from a gender that sees it as perfectly acceptable to have a cry in the nightclub bathroom while three complete strangers comfort you – in fact it’s almost mandatory.

So, when I see two men chatting like I potentially would to a female friend, my heart sings a little bit. I grew up in a family where it’s normal for men to talk about their feelings – I’ve seen my Dad cry SO many times (in fact I actually saw him crying during the movie Riding In Cars with Boys once). But when I left the comfort of my home I realized that most guys are generally brought up in an environment where this is shamed in some way. What? You mean you haven’t cried over ‘Drew Barrymore’s stirring performance?’ Of course this shame is deeply rooted in the patriarchal notion that having emotions = having a vagina. GET IT CAUSE VAGINAS ARE BAD! I don’t know if you’ve heard, but patriarchy is pretty stupid.

We need a national conversation and we need to start to change cultural values. And you probably guessed it, that starts with you male Australians. 

I can only say this as a woman, I can’t say this as someone who has had to actually be a man AND depressed. I can however talk as someone with experience with depression and I know for a fact that talking really, really does help make things slightly easier – and when you’re depressed slightly easier is a major improvement. 

If those two guys in Maccas can do it, so you can you. You never know, your mates just might surprise you.

So long, and Adieu.

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The red head is dead and so is politics. If there’s anything to be said for these past few weeks of politics, it’s simply that it was just so undeniably depressing. Unfortunately, sexism is something that constantly brought together the shattered pieces of our political discourse until eventually Australian began to resemble a massive shit slinging match. We could look at the ways in which Gillard was eventually torn to pieces by a pack of mad raving dogs we like to call the media, the way in which she was repeatedly undermined by the nerdy Systemic Anomaly called Rudd, or we could look at the way in which the Lord of the Speedos used any scare campaigning possible to undermine her, but I’d prefer to look at the ways in which she was awesome.

The way she got us all talking about sexism: she literally re-defined the word misogyny (despite popular opinion, I actually think that’s quite cool).

The way in which she enforced more reform in her short reign than Howard did in his (was it a million years?) reign.

 

The way in which she managed to handle the press. You’ve got to admire a woman who is renowned for a command over a press conference.

 

The way in which she handled idiots with class.

I just hope that one day can learn to work through this collective Tall Poppy Syndrome and its sweep-it-under-the-mat-until-it-comes-bursting-through-on-a 2UE-program style sexism. Only then can we move forward as a society and begin to pick up our game. The rest of the world is laughing at us Australia and guess what? It’s not funny anymore.

Get Balanced Or Get Out

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You know what annoys me the most about this ridiculous few weeks of politics that we’ve faced? The fact that the media in this country just doesn’t seem to know how to respond to it.

I don’t just mean Howard Sattler coming up with stupid and ridiculous questions like the one he asked the PM (although let’s face it: sexism or no sexism currently existing this wanker would’ve asked a stupid question anyway). No what upsets me is seeing shows like Sunrise discussing sexism with champions sexists like Alan Jones and an entire panel consisting purely of men. I believe that this is indicative more generally of an attitude within the media of creating balance for the sake of balance. When I last checked though balance was the least of our concerns.

 

(via @GetUp)

Surely at some point a producer at one of these shows must have sat down and said to themselves: why are we discussing sexism with men? Who is the most qualified to talk about sexism? Erm….oh yeah women. Even then though if the show did discuss sexism with women it would still actively seek women with differing viewpoints. My question is WHY? Why do we need to pretend to care about all aspects of viewpoints on a particular topic when we are compromising healthy and informed debated in the process. Isn’t it time that we threw in the ring and said that sexism isn’t ok and nor is homophobia – nothing more to discuss. Alan Jones is as qualified to talk about sexism as a camel is to talk about living in the ocean. This isn’t just a trend that plagues Australia, in fact, such a trend occurs across most of the Western world. 

We need to pick up our game and I think the best way forward is by dropping any pretense of objectivity in programs that clearly provide none.  There’s nothing wrong with having a panel of women to discuss sexism because they are the most qualified to talk about it -  just as you would have a panel of education experts to discuss Gonski. My point is that either ACTUALLY genuinely conform to some sense of balance in reporting or put it out there and say – yep we’re sexist and proud of it. Everything else in between is what muddies Australia’s current conversation and confuses the hell out of the general public.

Spare Some Change? I Want To Buy Beauty

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As Australian Fashion Week draws to a close, we enter or finish the debate (depending on when you started) about beauty and the role it plays in body images issues.

When I think about body images issues, I do tend to think of something that I can and do try to eliminate from my life, but it is still something that creeps into the back of my mind from time to time. But one thing I know that I can do unequivocally, if I so choose, is to eliminate anything in my life which may cause those feelings of paranoia or general vanity. We all know that women’s magazines and fashion does tend contribute to these feelings, but if we didn’t have them would we not still manage to find some other source of them?

It is perfectly sensible to want to change the way in which we view an idealized view of beauty. Certainly, we can always change the idea of beauty to include someone who is fatter or rounder-headed or maybe even someone with a spinal problem, but isn’t the concept of beauty itself something that is unattainable? 

The reality is that as soon as we create an idea of beauty we are immediately polarizing society – no one society can be represented in one image. As soon as we say overweight is beauty, we say that being skinny or slightly overweight or slightly underweight is not.

I know for a fact that if I wasn’t picking on myself when I look in the mirror about my weight or my poor posture or the bags under my eyes (that are inexplicably always there no matter how much sleep I get), it would just be something else. Because that’s what beauty does – it presents us with something we couldn’t possibly have and then says ‘buy me!’

Surprised that this has argument has come down to capitalism? You shouldn’t be.

My point is that if we all ignored this idea of beauty all together and just said it’s fine that I’m weird and different – because we ALL are – then we would probably not have this problem at all.

The fashion industry wouldn’t exist if we didn’t have some sort of desire to make ourselves closer to what the current concept of beauty is – it is built on it. I don’t think realistically there is any solution to this other than to accept that it IS unattainable.

The closest thing I have ever heard to a solution was introduced by a political group in Britain, in which it was suggested that there is a conscription in modeling in which a member of the public is chosen at random and must be called up to model something – like jury duty. I think this is a fantastic idea!

However, I personally prefer a world in which there is unattainable beauty for the same reason that I like to look at a sunrise - when you see it presented in the right way it can be breathtaking. I don’t feel that I have to embody a sunrise, instead, I can admire it from afar. Then when the feeling is gone, I can get on with reality.

Beauty will always be something that people will look for because it is in our nature – if some things are bad, then by definition other things must amazing. A world in which you personally thought everyone was unbelievably beautiful would get boring for the same reason that a world covered in sunrises would get boring.

Room 101

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I have recently been watching a lot of old BBC panel shows. One of the best little nuggets of gold I have found is the panel show: Room 101. It’s one of those great British panel shows that for some inexplicable reason, other than the fact that Brits seem to love routine, has stood the test of time. No really though. I saw an episode where Germaine Greer looked young and it was still ok to play clips from Jim’ll Fix It.

Anyway, the main premise of the show, which still remains today, is that if you had a room where you can put all the worst parts of life and lock them tidily away in a nice little room (Room 101), what would you put in?

Thus, I decided to explain what I would currently like to be in Room 101. Enjoy or don’t. I’m too tired to care.

Generation Bashing:

Here’s the thing: I used to think it was ok to hate on my own generation, because we aren’t that political, we come across as apathetic and we all like to fiddle with I phones and shit, or so members of older generations used too tell me.

One thing I wasn’t aware of was that every generation before mine and generations to come promised to bring about the destruction of civilization as we know it.

So, the point I’m making is that if you think that Gen Y won’t be able to carry on with keeping the world from imploding on itself, you should know that your parents thought the same about you. Their parents also thought the same thing about them, until we are essentially left with a never-ending cycle of promised destruction. And what happened? Not much. We’re all pretty fine. In fact, we’re better than ever.

Communication is easier and we can all still manage to do it. Nothing is lost - except perhaps the charming innocence of a time with less information in it. But let’s face it, we’re all better off in a world with less ignorance aren’t we?

Call me a wide-eyed optimist, but I think everything is going to be more than ok.

Also, I’d like to point out to my generation as well, can you PLEASE all stop bashing the generation below us? Gen Zer’s will be more savvy and technologically-enhanced than we could ever hope to be, before they turn 5. One day they will run the world from a microscopic computer chip and you will quake in fear. Might as well be nice to them now, eh?

Slut Memes:

My little brother belongs to this ‘Slut Memes’ group and thus it was brought to my attention. I’m genuinely ashamed that someone I’m related to, unashamedly, belongs to a group like that. By group of course I mean little wankers on Facebook that think that shaming women for having sex or wearing short-shorts is funny.

Feminism has far from done the job it set out to do and we have so, so far to go yet. Which is why it’s important that women never shut up about stuff like this.

‘Slut memes’ essentially consist of memes like this:

Or this:

 HAHAHAHHAHAHA. IT'S HER FAULT THAT MEN ARE PIGS BECAUSE SHE HAS TITS AHAHAHAHAHHAHA OW MY SIDES!

 ALSO THIS:

 

(Misogyny and racism are like besties, amiright?)

If I have to point out what’s wrong with these memes, then you’re not my target audience and you can probably stop reading now. What I want to do is bring this to your attention. This mentality is so tired and SO backwards, I cannot believe it is being gleefully transferred onto the teenagers of today.

When did slut shaming become ok in the school playground again?

I realize how ironic it is that I follow this after an anti-generation bashing bit, but I think it is a result of an inevitable ebb and flow of cultural ‘cool,’ which has simply caught up to the next generation.

For some reason with the influx of young women wearing next-to-nothing,  a patriarchal society feels threatened and now comes in the form of self-flagellating hormonal young boys.

I can only hope that as these young boys, like my younger brother, get older they realize the dangerous affect such a mentality brings into the world we live. Especially, when it starts to seep its way into legislation and politics as it already has done for thousands of years.

Another thoroughly disappointing part of this group is that so many its members are young women as well. I can only imagine the self-hatred these women must enjoy inflicting on members of their own gender, just for what? Because women like wearing what they want too? Or because they are sexually free?

How low is the depravity of the world that parents from Gen X and younger let their children wonder around thinking that if they are sexually stimulated by a woman’s behaviour or actions, that it’s the woman’s fault!

If you thought this mentality had died, you’ve only got to look under your own nose Australia. It’s alive and some of the youth of today are keeping it alive. For the most part, that’s our fault – the parents, so let’s pick up our game!

Smokers Who Whinge:

To bring this to a lighter point, this is my third and final peeve of the moment.

If you want to inflict lung cancer on yourself, go ahead and be my bloody guest. Well, actually, technically I’d rather you weren’t my guest, at least don’t do it in my house.

The point I’m trying to make is that the smoking bans were enacted, so that people, like me, who don’t want to die of lung cancer, don’t have too.

I have overheard, heard directly and just generally had to put up with whinging from smokers saying that it’s too much nanny stating from the government. And they talk about people that complain about second-hand smoking like they’re someone who is simply being a fussy eater. Oh! You’re such a fussy eater! I’m sorry for offending your senses with a lack of Camembert cheese.

In all of this discourse, I feel the point is lost that second-hand smoke does kill. This isn’t homeopathy we’re talking about here, this is real, published in scientific journals, fact.

If the government is making it harder for you to kill yourself and other people around you, then you accept that and you deal with it.

I know you might say, well Jemma, what about drinkers? You must drink. Well, I’m not a big drinker and I only drink occasionally.

All the same, I’m also fine when it comes to nanny-stating with anything potentially harmful and if alcohol restrictions are put in place, I’ll be fine with that too. We certainly need to reduce the amount of alcohol-related deaths in this country anyway.

So, all of you whinging smokers can sod off!

That’s my shtick for the day. If you had the chance, what would you put in Room 101?

Straya!

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If you’re like me then whenever you think of Australia Day, you think of bogans dressed head to toe in the Australian flag and drenched head to toe in beer. If you’re like me, then this also makes you cringe.

However, I would like to propose the notion that being a flag-wearing, beer drenched bogan is actually a good thing. “What?!” I hear you scream. “How could this possibly be a good thing?!”

Being a bogan is most commonly associated with being white and a bit of a xenophobe, which easy to be, on a day like Australia Day…if you’re a bogan…and a prick.

However, what would the alternative be? Imagine this fine country without any sense of national identity or something, any-thing, that fills us with pride.

What are we left with? A culturally desolate wasteland lost of a sense of belonging.

Yes, it’s healthy to cringe at bogans. Yes, it’s more than fine to want to punch any Australian that thinks it’s ok to reduce our national identity to something like Vegemite or a corked hat.

But if we don’t have any sense of inclusivity or community that comes with a cultural identity of any kind, then we are left with no one really feeling the need to be a part of one.

What does that create? It creates a bigger world. A world in which we all feel like an individual disconnected from the people around us, rather than national citizens or local citizens.

Of course, I’m not saying that this excuses xenophobia or even just generally being kind of a prick. But it’s a sense of national pride that every citizen of this country, no matter how new, or what creed or colour or what plot of land your parents happened to fuck on, can grab onto when living here.

Nationalism shouldn’t be used as an excuse to exclude, but as a platform for inclusivity.

So, don’t cringe when you see a bogan turning snags on the barbie. Join in and invite everyone you know or see. Because if you can’t make mates on Australia Day, when can you?

What Civil Rights?

 

So, here’s what’s been pissing me off the most lately. I feel as though this has probably been said a lot already, but Julia Gillard’s decision to allow religious exemption in civil rights legislation still burns at the edges of my outrage-o-meter. You don’t want to see me when it’s red. Oh golly, I eat Mr Hyde AND Dr Jekyll for breakfast, thank you very much.

If you aren’t familiar with what’s been happening lately, let me bring you up to speed. Basically, the PM signed off an a decision last week to allow religious institutions, including but not limited to churches and schools, to discriminate based on anything that might be slightly distasteful to the religious palette.

Ms Gillard has defended this one by saying that she would “fight for the religious freedom to discriminate.”

All I have to say right now is what is the point of having an Atheist Prime Minister, if she isn’t going to fight for the separation of church and state.  Essentially, we are taking another step back in the dark ages just because good ol’ Ms Gillard is far too scared of offending the religious right.

I put it to the blogging laity that this is one of the main reasons this country doesn’t seem to be moving forward at all as far as civil rights is concerned.

Here’s my letter to the PM.

Dear Ms Gillard,

No one will care if you come across as favouring the left as long as you stick to your guns. Rhetoric is only fine when it’s being acted on and you haven’t been acting much, (unless you count acting like you care about anything other than poll results).

Thanks so much your thoroughly pissed off public.

At least she’s better than the other guy.

My Two Cents

I’ve very much enjoyed Clementine Ford’s blog on the hypocrisy of “The Nice Guys” of dating websites and previous Jezabel posts on the same subject.

I’ve encountered so many, many nice guys in my lifetime and was surprised and relieved to know that they had a label in the online sphere.

I mean so many times as a woman you are told that if a man treats you right, then you should keep him close. Turns out that men where told the same thing – well you know, that if you treat a woman right she’ll snap you up.

I’ve not personally encountered these men in my own relationships – thank you Spaghetti Monster! However, I have had male friends who definitely fall under this category. They didn’t so much believe that because they where nice they deserved a relationship, but that you have to be an asshole if you want one.

This stereotype has been reinforced time and time and time and time again by the media. “Women always fall for the bad guy!” “Be a jack ass or you’ll get friend zoned!"

I know this has already been said in lots of ways, but I wanted to make a couple of points from my point of view all the same. Take them how you will.

Nice Guy Stereotype Mentality No.1:

“Women only fall for jack asses.”

The problem with that mentality lies in the sentence itself. Women don’t work as a collective. We aren’t a fucking ant farm or one of those jellyfishes that’s made of tiny jellyfish. This is why stereotypes have the power to be so destructive. They give us a license to see one human being with individual thoughts and feelings as a part of a collective that they haven’t signed up for.

Women do fall for jackasses. And they also don’t. Plus, we all have a little bit of jack ass (not the movie, which was just shit by the way). Men ALSO fall for jack asses. Seeing where I’m going with this now? We’re all different.

Nice Guy Stereotype Mentality No 2:

“I’m nice, so why don’t I have a girlfriend?”

Again: Problem. Lies. Sentence. The answer to that question lies with the assumption that being nice gets you a girlfriend. If you have a vagina and live in the western world, you are probably used to the basic common courtesy that human beings extend to each other under the characteristic of “being nice.” Thus, you are no one’s knight in shining armour.

That mentality insinuates that you think women are so used to being treated like shit that their knees are going to give way when someone asks them how their day is, which in itself is really fucking sexist. Understanding? This in turn makes you seem like a jackass! Congratulations, you’re a bit of a dick. Oh, but wait! Now you’re going to get ALL the chicks, right?

I think the real issue that lies behind the nice guy problem is that women do sometimes fall for jerks, but it’s usually because they’re not looking to be treated like human beings (low self-esteem and all that). In turn, this means that men who love to wack labels on women see an opportunity and hide behind it.

You can’t label women just because you’re scared of genuinely getting your feelings hurt or don’t know how to handle it when you do. Just like women can’t label men for the same reason (see previous post).

We’re all scared and insecure. Deal with it.